January 2025

FINDING PEACE OF MIND THROUGH FORGIVENESS AND RECONCILIATION

By Edward A. Rinderle
Posted: 12/19/2024

Pasadena Village Education Team hosted a presentation on forgiveness at Connect 2 Rise in Pasadena.  Dr. Richard Lyon was invited to speak on this topic based upon his first presentation to the Village a few years ago.   

Dr. Lyon has a Master of Divinity Degree from Fuller Seminary and a PhD in Human Development from Claremont Graduate University. He has been in private practice as a Marriage and Family Therapist since 1991.  

In his description of his lecture, Dr. Lyon said “Learning to forgive is more than a moral mandate. Forgiveness can liberate us from the tyranny of false hopes and corrosive resentments, and thereby improve our emotional, physical, and relational well-being.” He went on to say, “The concept of forgiveness can be easy to understand but difficult to implement.”

Dr. Lyon gave his presentation using a series of ideas loaded with information. Among the topics he covered are:

- Achieving balance between integrity (satisfaction) and despair (regret). That balance is the fruit of forgiveness.

- Forgiving ourselves as well as others. Forgiving ourselves leads to wisdom.

- Addressing the misunderstanding and misuse of the concept of forgiveness. Forgiveness is not “excusing.” Nor is it “forgetting” or “reconciling.”          

- Recognizing that forgiveness begins with a loss and a feeling that the forgiven owes us some debt. Forgiveness involves canceling that debt.       

- Heeding the process of forgiveness. Forgiveness involves remembering, grieving, and rethinking.  Rethinking can lead to finding empathy for one's self. Dr. Lyon says “Forgiveness is usually more therapeutic for the forgiver than for the forgiven.”  

- Understanding that forgiveness requires compassion, courage, and wisdom. Forgiveness also generates these same traits.  

- Understanding that forgiveness is difficult.

- Realizing that not forgiving comes with a cost.    

Finally, Dr. Lyon emphasized that we may or may not find reconciliation in our forgiving. But we know the process is complete when we can wish the forgiven well.

Among the Villagers present, several shared their reactions to the presentation. Wayne April said, “I found the Forgiveness presentation very interesting, although I felt I should be taking notes for the test. Very meaty. The question-and-answer period was engaging.” Jim Hendrick concluded, “I learned that true forgiveness requires more than an apology.”

If you missed the presentation, you might like to watch the recording of Dr. Lyon's 2022 presentation on Pasadena Village's YouTube Channel.